Thursday, January 29, 2015 16:24
Fairytale News | My bullying story.
This is a serious matter I want to talk about today. I sometimes look at my Google Stats to see the words people use to find my blog. I was shocked when I found this one between normal looking search words: “bullied by everyone in my life want to die” It makes me sad that someone has to Google for this and mad how little attention there is for bullying. This is something that should be addressed more in the media, because it's not a topic you can push away like it doesn't matter.
Whoever searched for this, let me tell you one thing: YOU MATTER. You are important. You are special, unique and wonderful. I have been bullied and I know how hard it is. I know how it feels like to look in the mirror and feel worthless and ugly. I know what it is to think you are never good enough and to feel that you don’t belong. I have talked about this before in the letter to younger Mel and when bullying isn’t bullying but here is the whole story. This is a bit scary for me to post, but I hope I can help someone with it.
I’ve always been shy and quiet. I guess that’s how they decided I was the weakest and they were probably right. I wanted to fit in, I wanted to be liked and most of all, I wanted to be part of something – so I let it happen to me without complaining. They were my ‘friends,’ but how miserable and alone they made me feel.. I’m not even sure how I can describe the way they bullied me. It was very subtle. It was a certain feeling they gave me with their challenging, pushing and words. It got into my head. I snapped when one of them tried to push me down the stairs for 'fun.' I told my mother, who knew something was going on, and it stopped. I always found comfort in my books and it helped me to shut out the world, but when they left me alone I felt I could be myself again.
I grew up and went to secondary school. I became aware of my own strength. Sure, I wore my scars. I was even shyer and now I also had to deal with a big amount of insecurity. The feeling of wanting to be liked by everyone was even worse, but I met a couple of nice girls. The guys is another story though. There was one who teased me endlessly and he would call me the most horrible things. I was ugly, I was fat, I would never find a boyfriend. I never let him get to me and I always stood there, facing him and acting like it didn’t matter, but boy.. it did. It's the time where you are starting to get aware of yourself and boys, so it hurt. I started to believe I was hideous.
The first time I finally started to change my view that I AM beautiful and I AM special was when I met my boyfriend. Our secondary school counts 6 years for the highest education level and I was in my fourth year when I became friends with him. Around that time I was gaining some confidence and he completed it when he told me he liked me. The way he looks at me tells me every day how much I matter and how wonderful I am. I am still shy. I am still insecure. I still have this need to be liked. I still have days where I have zero confidence and where I hate the way I look. That is never going to change, but like hell this is going to effect my life. I deal with it, because Pooh says it best:
Dear person who found my blog through those search words, I am here for you. You are not alone in this. I know that you must feel like you are completely alone, but bullying is unfortunately something that happens all the time. It’s not you, it’s those sad people who have to tear down others in order to feel good. Please, don’t let them get to you. I know it’s hard, but you can do this. We are all amazing human beings and one day, you are going to mean the world to someone. I got through this with the help of my amazing family and boyfriend. If you ever need to talk to someone, contact me or find help elsewhere, because you are important to me even if I don’t know you.
Mel is a microbiology technician who is obsessed with Disney, fairytale retellings and fantasy. If she's not reading or blogging, she's either busy with gaming, hanging out with family or watching a TV show. She loves summer and bright nail polish. One of her dreams is to travel the world. She has found her Prince Charming and they are together for 7+ years.