Blogging confession: I am socially awkward.

I thought I would share my confession today, because the Top Ten Tuesday topic for this week is your 10 blogging confessions. I don't feel the need to list them all down, because I'd rather use them for other 'Mel on reading' posts. So instead I'm going to share you something personal about myself and that is: awkwardness.

Despite the fact that I like to comment around the blogosphere, I am seriously awkward when it comes to being social in real life. I must admit that it's easier now I'm older, but there are still some stages I go through when it comes to meeting new people. The fact that I’m part of a book club I formed this year with a couple of other bloggers is still a milestone for me and it shows me that I've come a long way from the shy, scared girl I used to be.


So my first thoughts when I enter a room with new people is: 
I DON’T WANT TO GO. If I could, I would turn around and run away. I feel out of place and uncomfortable. I will try to find a place somewhere in a corner, blending in and not standing out. When people approach me I get very nervous/anxious. I stutter and stumble and I won't reply much. I'm scared people don't like me. This is something I feel stupid about afterwards, because why can't I just talk like a normal person? It's not like I don't have things to tell.. I seem to shut down.

If people aren’t intimidated by my behavior (some people think it’s arrogance) and they stick around, we go to the next phase. 
When I’ve talked with someone for a while, I might warm up to have a more solid conversation.

Let’s say we decide to meet a couple of times, like when you made connections in your new class.
If I’ve talked with this person for a couple of times, I might feel better around them. If I become friends with that person, I’m unstoppable. I like talking about everything if I feel comfortable around someone. It just takes time before I get out of my shell.

What this has to do with blogging? Well, I’m also not very confident about my presence in the blogosphere. I’m trying to be more active on Twitter, but I’m sometimes still intimidated. Trying to talk with people and butting into conversations: it still scares the hell out of me! Before I send my Tweet, I probably look a couple of minutes at it, hoping I don’t make any faults and doubting if I should hit send or not.

The thing is, it’s also nerve-wracking when someone doesn’t reply. I’m always afraid to be ignored and I want people to like me. So if the conversation just stops, I’m scared I said something offending or that the other person is tired of me. I can take things far too personal (although I’m working on it, but this is hard) and Twitter conversations between friends can be intimidating. It sometimes makes me feel left out. I think these feelings are because of my bullying past (and if you want to read more, here is a letter I wrote to a younger Mel) and how I never want to return to that lonely not-good-enough feeling.

At the same time I feel incredibly comfortable on my blog.. This really is 'my spot' and I feel like I can be myself without being judged, so that is great!

How are you doing on the Twitter platform? Do you ever feel self-conscious around new people or on social media? Leave a link if you made a blogging confession TTT post!

54 comments

  1. Mel, you are SO not alone. I'm an over-analyzer and critique myself to death, especially in and after social situations. I tend to feel like a fool and after, when they leave, I want to go and apologize for my awkwardness! I feel intimidated on Twitter as well, but mostly, I feel kind of...out of place? Like everyone has already formed groups, you know? I completely get what you're saying (about taking things too personal as well). I loved reading this post, Mel!

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    1. Oh yes, that feeling when someone leaves and my head finally knows all the things I should have said.. and that's how I sometimes feel too. There are people who talk to each other all the time and that is logical, but scary if you aren't good in socializing.

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  2. I think compared to you, I need a filter online. I feel much more comfortable online because it's less personal. In real life, I have about the same problems as you. I hate going new places with new people (sometimes even meeting my long-time friends just because it means getting up and leaving somewhere), and when I am not immediately interested in someone new, I look like some lofty b**** too. I just need to ease in with people and then it's better :D
    It's why I am more comfortable online and should really put a stopped to my all-over-the-place virtual presence :D

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    1. Being online is definitely easier, because you are behind a screen and if you don't like someone it's easy to block it out. But still :p haha.

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  3. You're definitely not alone! I also struggle with those exact same feelings, both in real life and in blogging and on Twitter. I can remember when I first learned there were other bloggers in my city, my first thought was that I couldn't possibly go over and introduce myself. Way too scary! Eventually I just decided that I would go for it because I would probably regret it if I didn't, and as it turns out they were super nice! Good thing for bookish people :)

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    1. Everyone is incredibly kind! It's great that you went for it in the end :) Conquering your fear is awesome.

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  4. It's funny because I usually feel a lot more comfortable in person than I do online. It's hard for my to judge who people are or what they'll find funny or interesting online and so I get that nervous feeling. Because it's harder for me to connect with people online, that fear of rejection or being ignored pops up. Thanks for writing this post! It definitely makes me feel like I'm not alone. :)

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    1. It's 'nice' to see I'm not the only one struggling with this!

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  5. I feel the same way Mel! It is really hard for me to talk to others in person and online. It really does help to know that we are all fairly introverted (majority anyway) so others feel shy too. I tend to have a resting bitch face so people don't take all that well to me very fast :-/ My hubby has to remind me to try to smile which turns more into a smirk. Oh well! I do try. Maybe someday it'll get easier?

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    1. Haha, yes, it's interesting to see a lot of us seem to struggle with social anxiety.

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  6. This is exactly why I started my blog! I got to college and was like how do I friends? My anxiety makes IRL interactions difficult because what if they think I'm annoying and they're just being polite and omg why did I just say that they don't care asldkfjasld;ghiajkl. I am a much better writer than I am a speaker so blogging and interacting online is just so much less stressful (until someone doesn't respond and then it all starts up again oh gosh what did i do what did i do). Of course then I end up with friends so far away I never get to see them IRL haha.

    But anyway I totally know how you feel! Thanks so much for sharing (:

    --Katie at Paperback Planes

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    1. YES! Those thoughts! Exactly those things make it hard to talk to new people. 'Why did I say THIS and not THAT?? Now they must think I'm stupid..'

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  7. I'm totally awkward in social situations, but it doesn't bother me too much-I'm always in my own little world, lol. I don't do twitter/other social media platforms besides blogging, so that's a non-issue for me :)

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  8. Awww Mel *hugs* You are not alone in this - reading your post was like looking in the mirror for me. My first reaction going where there's people is that I don't want to go either. Then I'll find a nice corner to blend in like you said. Often times, people who don't know me will think I'm snobby too but I don't know, i just shut down and find it hard to make conversation D: IF they manage to make it past that initial impression, I open up more too and then it tends to get much better! If we can make it all the way to friends, then I'm unstoppable as you say and will talk about anything.

    Same goes for me on Twitter. I'm very awkward on jumping into conversations or commenting sometimes. I feel like people might not want to talk or that I'll come across as weird or saying the wrong thing, or saying something the wrong way >.< Like you say: I'm definitely NOT confident in my presence. I love that you still working on it though Mel, so am I! maybe one day we'll be cool and relaxed about the whole thing :D I hope! Thanks so much for sharing this ♥ it made me feel less alone in my thoughts! xxxx

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    1. Awhhh, it's very comforting to see I'm not the only one, although it sucks you have the same problem. It's always important to work on the things that bother you, but we'll get over it! I know we will :D

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  9. I totally feel you on the anxiety. I have pretty severe social anxiety and feel the same way!

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  10. I'm so glad you shared this! I have a lot of these same insecurities and anxiety, and you name them and discuss them really well.

    For what it's worth - I ADORE YOU and I love your presence on the blogosphere!

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    1. That means a lot to me, thank you so much <3

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  11. I feel like we're twins though omg. In real life I'm pretty shy around new people, and honestly won't be the person to strike up a conversation. I need somebody else to make the first move and get the ball rolling. However once I've become close to a person, some people swear I've been hiding this chatterbox. Lol, I suppose I just don't feel comfortable enough to really open up to people unless I'm sure they're somebody I can trust and feel close too.

    Online there's really two sides to me. I feel like there's my personal side which is shown on tumblr and I just go full frontal fangirl on there really. But then there's my blogger side which I can honestly say is non existent, other than commenting on others blogs. I'm not sure why but striking up casual conversations on twitter and such just doesn't sit comfortably with me.

    Lovely post Mel! :) I found it to be very relatable

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    1. We should meet then, haha. First we will be awkward and we both know it about each other :p

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  12. Aww Melanie I totally understand where you're coming from. I feel like I can only really be myself with people I actually know. I tend to get nervous all the time in new social situations. I usually have to take someone with me to bookish events or comic con, as I tend to freeze up, so need someone else to do the talking first. I'm glad that you were able to join a book club and meet new people, that is definitely a step in the right direction and that you have your own little space on your blog. Siiri and I love talking to you on Twitter about football, so don't feel like you're butting in at all! We look forward to talking you during tonight's game :)

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    1. Thanks Jasprit, that is really sweet of you! :)

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  13. I'm hopelessly awkward in real life. Seriously...I have such social anxiety sometimes! >-< I'm the person who barely talks and who hides away in the crowd, hehe. Shy to the extreme. I often feel shy in the blogging world too, although I love that I can hide behind my computer and have TIME to consider what I want to say. I like "editing" my thoughts. I often delete my tweets, too. And I hardly ever tag author on reviews or anything because I'm just too shy.

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    1. That makes it easier indeed! You can always read the things you write until you are satisfied with it. In real life you have to act right away and that can be so stressful.

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  14. I swear I am exactly the same way. I feel so weird around new people and just awkward. I wish I was one of those people who could just strike up a conversation with just anyone. Great post! Glad I'm not alone in that aspect, but it's something that I want to work on.

    Janina @ Synchronized Reading

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  15. Mel, you are not alone! You described exactly how I feel to a T. I'm going to my very first signing this weekend, and while I'm REALLY excited to meet some of my favorites, I am absolutely terrified. Baby steps, right?

    Kristen @ Pretty Little Pages

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  16. I used to be a like this: always wanting to be liked. Heck, I'm still a little like this but when someone doesn't want to stick around and get to know me or reply to my tweet then I'm more like: it's their loss. If they don't like me then they simply don't. I used to be worried about what others thought of me and I always wanted to be liked but the truth is that there is always going to be someone that doesn't like you just like you might not like a certain person. As long as you like yourself, you're good.

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  17. *Hugs* <3 Thank you for sharing Mel. I very much feel the same way. I'm also so shy. And yess. I too take things way too personal, hih. Loved reading this post. <3 :)

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    1. At the same time I'm always impressed how easy you seem to talk with authors on Twitter!

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  18. I'm like you: completely awkward in real life, but I feel super comfortable in the world of blogging. I agree that my blog feels like "my place" and that if people spend the time to read it and comment they like me and my personality, therefore giving me more confidence in real life too! Great post, Mel! :)

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  19. I know exactly what you mean, Mel! Lately, I've been trying to tweet more and get myself out there on Twitter, but I am terrified of butting into a conversation or that someone won't reply. I can't help feeling like I'm bothering someone, even though I know that sounds ridiculous. I also will reread the tweet a million times, making sure it won't be taken the wrong way. It's definitely easier for me to socialize in the blogosphere than it is in real life, but I still struggle with it. So you are not alone! Great post, Mel! :D thanks for sharing!

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    1. You're welcome, it's good to hear I'm not alone in this feeling!

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  20. It's like you're in my head, Mel. I kid you not. This is exactly how I feel and I do ALL of those things. It surprises me though because you're someone I look up to and it's surprising to see that you feel the same way at least half the time. I guess we all need time to conquer our fears and I really hope that someday you'll get there and will not be held down by your fear of not being liked since we all LOVE you and I am sure everyone who meets you wants to get to know you! :)
    *hugs*

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  21. Well, we could be twinsies (but I think a lot of book bloggers are like this), but I have the same quips and worries and hang ups as you. I can say this: you seem super awesome and yeah you're worried about the awkwardness but the coolness will shine through regardless!

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  22. I definitely have tweets that I read over many times before sending, usually when I'm replying to a tweet from a big blogger since I've put them all up on pedestals and don't want to look dumb D: I've also immediately deleted tweets when I realize I made a mistake because I don't want people mentioned in it to see the mistake >.>

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  23. I used to be socially awkward, but I've realized that this is something that I can overcome. Going out of your comfort zone is scary, but when you're OUT it does feel amazing. I do hope that you get past this. It IS hard, but like you said, you are working on it. Be amazing! :)

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    1. I try! ;) Every day I put myself more out there and if I look back, I'm already proud at how fare I've come.

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  24. WOW! I adore this post because it's nice to know that I am not alone in this. I am so socially inept that it's not even funny. Even on the blog I still struggle because I doubt myself a lot. I mainly stay away from Twitter because I get too nervous to actually interact with people. I felt really strange about that, but it makes me feel better to know I am not the only one. I am going Comic Con tomorrow and they have YALC there and I am so excited but so nervous. How am I supposed to go meet some of my favourite authors? It's going to be amazing but kind of hellish for me too.

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    1. How was your day? :) I hope you had fun and that you had the courage to talk to your favorite authors!

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  25. Well obviously you are well loved in the blogosphere so you should tell the pansy Mel that KICK ASS MEL RULES HERE AND SHE CAN PARTY IF SHE WANTS TO! Ok too strong? too strong...

    right - I totally understand how you feel. I think I'm socially awkward in that I don't really have a lot of tact and boundaries and all sorts of things spew from my mouth that my husband says really shouldn't. I don't like going out in public much to parties and all that - I hate feeling like I'm obligated to socialize and will avoid going unless there is a specific other person going (like Tina) that I know I can sit and talk with the entire time ergo not having to socialize with other people about small chit chat like weather and 'what's new in your life' garbage that is meaningless to me.

    As for butting in on twitter - you can tweet me anytime - I'm always lonely. Sometimes there will be a whole day where there is nothing in my tweet feed except the automated tweets. I'm trying to be better about breaking that up. I wish I was as outgoing on there as some others but trying to totally fix that. I will now bombard you randomly. =)

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    1. Haha, I will tell that to myself Tabitha ;) Your comment made me smile, thank you :)

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  26. I tend to be socially awkward too. I also am much more talkative around close friends and family. I'm mostly just a quite person around people I don't know. I don't understand why people think that's such a big deal and feel the need to point it out to me. It has become one of my biggest pet peeves when someone asks or tells me I'm a quiet person. Really? I hadn't noticed. I don't know, it just makes sense to me. I don't like small talk and if I don't have anything to say, I don't want to spit out random crap for the sake of talking. I think it's annoying sometimes when people talk about random things just because they're afraid of no conversation :P
    Maybe someday I'll read Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

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    1. True! It sometimes make me feel bad because others point it out, but there is nothing wrong with being a bit on the background.

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  27. You are not alone! I'm also a socially awkward person and will always be.

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  28. I UNDERSTAND THIS FEELING. I think a lot of us bloggers are, right? I know I'm really bad in social situations with people I don't know. One of my old MMO pals wanted to speak on Skype lately to help me practice my Dutch, which is really nice of him, but since we haven't spoken properly in a couple of years (just a few simple conversations here and there) I had to say no because I just feel awkward :/

    As for Twitter, I used to be really quiet. Then I kind of just leap into conversations when I saw people talking about things I love, and it worked :) It helps that so many bloggers are friendly and accommodating.

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    1. Oh, bloggers are definitely very friendly!

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  29. I can definitely understand about people taking uncomfortableness as arrogance. I have to try and make a super effort to smile and not look like I am not friendly when I meet new people even though it is just I feel awkward especially when I meet very hug loving people. I tense up around hugs and people take offense to it, it is more just a me things and I am weird about hugging. Great post Mel :) We think you are awesome!

    Ashley @ The Quiet Concert

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    1. I don't hug with friends (perhaps also because most of them are guys and that is.. a bit weirder) either. And thank you Ashley :)!

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  30. This post is probably one that many people will be able to relate to -- me included, though I think I may be even more awkward in social situations than you are! I hate meeting new people as well, which is why whenever my sister's friends come over or something like that, I'll zoom into my room and hide there until the newcomer leaves. It's THAT bad. Unless, of course, I'm forced to talk to that person. I'd probably just smile awkwardly and look at the floor.

    The worse part is that I don't even feel comfortable around some of my very close friends. I'm like you: afraid of being disliked, but I'm also afraid of sounding stupid and being judged by others. All my close friends are incredibly smart and very philosophical, so I barely say anything when I'm around them because my mind most of the time is blank, and because I don't want to sound like an ignorant dumbass. It's a fear I'm having trouble overcoming. :(

    But around other friends? I'm crazy. Just as long as they aren't talking about philosophical stuff, I'm good. ;) Mel, I hope you start getting into Twitter soon! I'm a really shy person in real life, but online, I feel so much freer because even if people are judging me, I won't be able to tell. It gets easier to ease yourself into conversations once you start doing it. Of course, I still feel anxious whenever I tweet someone, and if they ignore me, I'm just like, "Am I really that lame?!" but there are plenty of friendly people on Twitter, who will never ignore you. So don't be afraid. Maybe conquering that fear will help you in real life, too. You never know!

    Thanks so much for sharing this with us, hon. <3 This may sound bad, but it's kind of encouraging to see that I'm not the only one with problems like these out there. Makes me feel a lot less lonely!

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    1. Awhhh, that must be difficult sometimes Meg! When it comes to people I know I don't feel weird about myself. I know they accept me how I am. I'm definitely trying to put yself out there on Twitter. Every step is one :)

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